we have pet lesbian snakes
Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Randomize
