I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
