I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
