my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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