Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
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