If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
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