I want to walk on stilts...naked
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
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