have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
