we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
