I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
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