I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Randomize
