Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Randomize
