i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Randomize
