How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
I didn't notice because vodka
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I'm too high and old for this...
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize