Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Randomize
