She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Randomize
