She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
