like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Randomize
