Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
