New low: just hacked my moms facebook
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
