its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
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