Already got asked if we're dating
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
