I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Randomize