nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize