I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
