I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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