Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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