i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
he's single and there are thong briefs.
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