I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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