Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
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While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
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My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
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