We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
