Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Randomize
