Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Randomize