Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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