But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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