I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
