Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
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