I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Randomize
