He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
