I saw his package. It spoke to me.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Randomize
