it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Randomize
