I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
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