If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
