Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
