Umm I'm too high to move.
Are we in a gay sports bar?
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
