I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
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