I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize
