On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
