I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
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It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
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I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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