their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Randomize
