you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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