There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Randomize
