woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
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I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
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