Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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