I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Randomize
