You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Randomize
