i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Randomize
