Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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