New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
being pregnant is like rehab
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
