New invention idea: vibrating tampons
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
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